Do you ever get to the end of the day and feel like a total failure of a parent? Rhetorical question, obviously, because that's basically in the definition of parenthood.
Parent (n.): one who cares for a miniature human whom brings great joy and total devastation on a moment to moment basis resulting in great love and total failure at the end of most days.
Too negative? I think not. We love those tiny people with a fierceness that says I will kill anyone that so much as makes fun of how much they weigh as a baby or how they run at the playground. But let's be honest. They can reduce us to a puddle of doubt and confusion with a single tantrum or an "I don't want you, go away!"
However, I have discovered something in the my long stretch of 2.5 years of parenting. At the end of the day when I lay my head on my pillow and examine my conscience, my feelings about my success or failure as a mama is greatly influenced by how I spent my mental energy that day and less about how my children actually behaved.
On any given day, my oldest son, Luke, can be the sweetest most brilliant child God ever created. Or… He can be a grabby gorilla, mess making, tantrum throwing, authority challenging, crazy kid. Also known as a two-almost-three-year-old version of Sour Patch Kids.
Children will misbehave regardless of our parenting. They are miniature sinners. Our goal is to point them to Jesus in the hopes that they will fall in love with him and spend their lives serving him, emulating him, and loving him. BUT we cannot control them or cure them of sin.
When I go to bed feeling like I failed at motherhood, it is not because of the behavior of my children. Failure depends entirely on the decisions I made about how I spent my time that day, where my mind was, and the condition of my spirit as I fulfilled my responsibilities.
I feel worst when I have spent my day with a distracted mind. Making lists of things that I need to get done, do better, or change. Then allowing those things to occupy my thoughts. Have you ever had a conversation with someone that clearly was thinking of other things? What does it communicate?
1. You are not a priority.
2. I do not respect you.
3. Other things, not present, are more important that you right in front of me.
Need an example? Playing Hoot Owl Hoot with Luke, instead of enjoying working with him to get all the owls back to the nest before the sun comes up, I am thinking about how I need to start that diet program in the next week so I can look the way I want to look at the Wheaton graduation next month.
Seriously? Who the heck cares. And believe me, he knows I'm not really with him.
Or how about this one… Stephen (13 months) is putting pieces of a puzzle in the right place for the first time and smiling because he is so proud of himself - except I missed it because I was too busy making this list:
1. Learn to use my essential oils.
2. Make Stephen's first year shutterfly book.
3. Finish painting the cabinets.
4. Start that James bible study.
5. Start a blog
Is there anything wrong with those things? No. Is there something wrong with allowing those self-imposed goals infiltrate my thoughts and distract me from the joys of the day and opportunities to SHARE the day with my kids, yes. Most assuredly.
To the Point:
When my mind is so busy carrying things like essential oils, grocery lists, fitness goals, etc - it doesn't leave any space for me to BE with my kids or REST in the gift of today. Goals are great, we should all have them. But goals become stealers of joy if they create a spirit of discontentment.
So here is the challenge for me and for you:
Give our children full attention and consideration as they grow up before our eyes so that we can sleep in peace knowing that we have VALUED our children and RESPECTED them as tiny souls. Our actions, attention, and intentionality have communicated: I love you. I love spending time with you. You are enough to capture my attention.
Glory in the moment. Make goals that add value and purpose to the life of your family - but be sure those goals inspire positive motivation and not negative discontentment or distraction from the joys of today. Eternal perspective says: invest in the souls of your children with your time, love, and attention. Because blogs, kitchen cabinets, the weight on the scale, and the grocery list look ridiculous in comparison.
#priorities
For where your treasure is, there your heart (and mind) will be also. Matthew 6:21
**Let me be clear. Obviously we must get things done and cannot constantly sit and gawk at the awesomeness of our offspring. It is important that they learn to self entertain, and we certainly need to keep our respective ships afloat with tasks and chores. But, in general, when we are spending time with our kids (or husbands, or friends, or strangers) we should be spending time with them in earnest.
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